By JON BAKER

CUMBERLAND --- Jeff and Robin Thorpe didn’t have to become foster parents; they just chose to, and, frankly, they said, they have an outstanding reason.

“Well, there were five kids in my family growing up, and we were all adopted, except for my youngest sister, Sue,” said Jeff, relaxing with his wife at the couple’s dining room table in a rather quaint neighborhood.
“It sounds cliché, but this is just a way of giving back,” he continued. “I had a pretty good childhood, and we wanted to help kids have the same kind of experience I had.”
Stated Robin: “After we got married, we used to see commercials on TV, and we looked at each other. We started talking, and we thought, ‘Hey, we can do that.’ After all, we had the room in the house.
“I think Jeff had such a good experience with his family, this was a way we could do something really important. His mother has always done volunteer work; even with the five children she cared for, she always took in unwed mothers and, even now, despite the fact she’s in her 70s, still volunteers at the Ronald McDonald House in Providence.
“She’s a very loving and caring woman,” she added with a grin. “Through it all, she has lost two daughters in the past five years, but the point is she still manages to give back.”
Jeff, 42, is a 1984 Cumberland High graduate who attended the Rhode Island School of Electronics, and now works as a service manager. Robin, who coyly avoids yielding her age, graduated from North Providence High, and after gaining an associate’s degree in nursing from the Community College of Rhode Island, became a registered nurse.
On May 2, officials with Rhode Island Mentor of Smithfield chose to honor the 44 foster families statewide at a special breakfast at Cricket’s Restaurant on George Washington Highway. The reason: This is National Foster Care Month, and they also wanted to return … well, the favor.
Currently, the Thorpes have two children of their own, a boy and a girl, and also a six-year-old foster child, so the house isn’t as busy as it has been in the past.
“We’ve fostered nine kids, between the ages of 3-20,” Robin said. “We had always been involved with teen-agers until about four years ago, and then we decided to mentor a pre-school child, who was closer in age to our own two children. We decided we wanted to have more of an influence on their lives, and have the chance to mentor them for a longer period of time.
“No, it hasn’t always been easy,” she grinned, “but it almost always has been rewarding.”
Jeff noted that one of their first foster kids, a 17-year-old girl, had reached the age to move on to an independent living program; that came about five years ago.
“We didn’t get the ‘goodbye’ we had anticipated; after all, she was a teen-ager,” Robin laughed. “But I will say this: I think she appreciated us and what we tried to do for her more after she left. I remember getting a phone call from her, and she was, like, ‘Oh, my God! I had no idea how much groceries cost! If I were to buy generic everything, it would still cost a lot.’
“When she was here, she would say she wanted Doritos, not another kind of chips,” she added. “She understood. We’ve had the same kinds of experiences with the others.”
Chimed in Jeff: “My best experience as being a foster parent has been hearing from the kids after they’re gone, and having them call to let us know how well they’re doing. You’ll hear them say different phrases, the ones you used to teach them, and you’ll notice the manners they have. That’s when you think, ‘We made a difference.’”
Then there are the holidays, when more calls flood into the kitchen phone.
“Some of them say they want to come back for Thanksgiving or Christmas; they want to spend it with us, and that tells us they care,” Robin offered. “What Jeff said is true: When they use phrases we used when they were little, like, ‘May I have a drink of water?’ instead of ‘Can I?’ —– that’s a major thing. I’d think, ‘That’s great! They did listen.’
“You notice that the maturity level is there when they return,” she continued. “They’re not rolling their eyes or slamming the bedroom door. During the holidays, they’re here because they want to be here, and that’s very fulfilling.”

*     *     *
Still, it hasn’t been all cake and ice cream, with “Yes, ma’am” and “No ma’am” answers. Have they been through behavioral problems? Are you kidding?
Ask the Thorpes if they’re “real” parents, and initially they look at each other quizzically.
“You know, that’s a great question,” Jeff stated. “Yeah, definitely, we’re for real. With the older kids, you’re trying to steer them in the right direction. You tell them, ‘Sometimes you’re going to make the right choice, and sometimes you’re not.’ You also tell them about the right things to do in certain circumstances, and show them through your own actions. Ultimately, it’s up to them how to act.
“When it comes to discipline, you try to do it the same way as you would any kid, but it doesn’t always have the same effect,” he added. “They know deep down, if they keep (misbehaving), they’ll end up somewhere else. You can pretty much tell that some of them are thinking, ‘Big deal, so I’ll move on.’”
Contributed Robin: “You hope that, at some point, they’ll get what you’re saying.”
If you’re wondering if you may be right to play the role of foster parent, Jeff provides a stellar answer.
“To be blunt, we’ve had some terrific kids and some really challenging kids,” he said. “Eventually, they all get the hint, but some take longer than others. Actually, in the past, we had two kids, one who was ‘Mensa’ smart, an absolute genius, and another who was a super athlete. You knew if they applied themselves, their potential would know no bounds.
“The one who was astonishingly smart, she didn’t apply herself as she should have, but the good news is this: She still has time. The tremendous athlete, he’s somewhat the same, but he’s younger, so he too has time. We’ll see where he ends up.”
The couple also noted their biological children have had minimal trouble accepting their parents loving not only them but others as well.
“People give them credit all the time for being so good about sharing with other kids their mom and dad, and their toys, but honestly, that’s all they know,” Robin said. “Let’s put it this way: One time, a teacher called me into a meeting because my (biological) son had drawn a picture with five sisters in it, and the teacher said, ‘That’s not true. You only have one sister.’ My son, who was only in second grade at the time, kept telling his teacher he did, in fact, have five sisters. And she kept saying, ‘You’re wrong. That’s not true.’
“When I got called in for the conference, I explained to the teacher what he was trying to say through the drawing, and she said, ‘Oh, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry,’” she added with a chuckle. “Those are some of the things you go through.”
Integral keys to foster parenting? Jeff claims patience and unconditional love, while Robin adds consistency and keeping a sense of humor. Obviously, the latter can be more difficult.
“There was one girl, I thought it was very brave of her to come to me with one of her problems,” Robin stated. “I was thrilled that she was comfortable enough to come to me and explain what was going on.
“I can tell you, whenever something happened with the older kids, they’d come to me with the smaller stuff, but with the big stuff, they’d go to Jeff,” she smiled. “I’d be, like, ‘Are you out of your mind? What are you thinking?’ They’d talk to Jeff because he was calmer.”
Daddy Jeff explained it this way: “It’s hard when kids don’t listen, and when they make bad choices, but God, every kid does that. You have to be accepting. Sometimes you just have to learn how to get through the bad situations or tough times. You figure their biological family is going through a difficult time right now, and you consider yourself a temporary support system.
“When they leave, it’s hard,” he added. “Unless they call you, you’ll never know what happens to them, where they end up.”
The best part?
“One of the greatest joys, to me, is that I love tucking them in at night,” Robin said. “We do that now, and we did with the older kids, too. You know they feel happy and secure where they are, and that they know love. They go to bed knowing they have no worries, that you’re there for them. I would say, ‘See you in the morning. I love you,’ and they smile.
“To this day, my daughter will say her prayers and include former foster brothers and sisters. I love that.”